Anxiety and New Romance
For the past couple of weeks we have focused on anxiety within the individual, but this week we are switching gears to anxiety within romantic relationships.
New relationships can be very rewarding, but it can also cause an increase in anxious thoughts and feelings. Anxiety can occur at any stage in a relationship, but it usually occurs during the early stages of dating. Typically, dating involves putting yourself in a position of vulnerability because you are allowing another person to learn more about yourself without the guarantee that it will “work out”. Many people begin to ask questions like “Will this last?” or “Do I really like him/her?” Having these thoughts occasionally are important because it can help the individual understand the value of the relationship, but when we begin to perseverate on the extensive list of possible outcomes it can take away from the relationship
Worry is not always problematic in a new relationship because it can serve as a protective factor. However, if it impedes one’s ability to have a meaningful relationship, it may be beneficial to use some helpful techniques to reduce anxiety. When in a relationship new or old the first thing to consider is how does this relationship add something to your life. You could start by asking yourself if the person you are with has similar values? This is important because sometimes in a relationship one person is hyperfocused on having the other person like them and they begin to lose parts of themselves that are important. Consider if you are able to discuss your own values and needs with your partner. Likewise, compromise is just as important in a relationship. Through value exploration you will be able to determine if you are comfortable with the gives and takes that are natural in a relationship. If this topic is avoided, it is likely that anxiety may increase over time because there is fear associated with expressing ones needs. When considering avoidance, many who are feeling uneasy about their relationship, may avoid issues that are causing problems out of fear. To protect the idea of the relationship they may come up with a temporary solution, which typically does not end well. It can be beneficial to set a standard for conflict resolution in relationships to reduce anxiety. For example, in a new relationship if someone is uncomfortable rather than holding off on addressing the problem, it is recommended to be open with your partner about the issue. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first open communication at the start of a problem can minimize future resentment.
Relationship anxiety can go beyond the couple and require an individual to consider what is going on internally. If something is going on separate from the relationship, it may be important to address that first. Usually if someone is struggling with something individual it can exacerbate concerns about other areas in their life such as relationships. Utilizing mindfulness techniques and focusing on self-discovery can help with individual anxiety as it pertains to the relationship. Approaching anxiety in this way can help reshape your thoughts and behavior that can ultimately improve success in relationships.
Stay tuned next week to learn more about the treatment of anxiety disorders.
-Emily Mori, MS, LGPC, NCC, CAS, ADHD-CCSP
As a strength-based therapist I believe mindfulness is the best approach to life's challenges. I help to empower clients seeking to move forward and to achieve their wellness goals.