Maryland Counseling Associates

View Original

Attachment Styles: Understanding and Interpreting Them

Karissa Dugan

Have You Ever Heard the Term “Attachment Style”? It may have been while scrolling on TikTok, talking with a friend, or from an introductory psychology course. However, no matter how this phrase made itself known to you, it is important to understand its deeper meaning and how it can be applied to daily life. Understanding the type of attachment style that you may demonstrate can be a key factor in improving the quality of your relationships. This blog post will explain the four most widely accepted attachment styles, how they are identified, and how to transition from negative styles to more positive ones.

What Are the Four Types of Attachment Styles?

The concept of Attachment Styles was coined by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s (Lawrenz, 2021). While psychology has evolved since then, the foundational theory remains largely the same. Attachment Styles are modeled in children, adolescents, and adults due to environmental and cultural factors, as well as influences from Social Learning Theory. Presenting behaviors adapt depending on the person’s age. For example, if a child witnesses parents exhibiting a particular attachment style, whether positive or negative, they may reinforce this within their own behaviors and relationships. The four types of Attachment Styles are Secure, Avoidant (Dismissive), Anxious (Preoccupied), and Disorganized (Lawrenz, 2021). Here are some identifying factors of each in adults.

Secure Attachment Style

  • Attentive

  • Comprehensive

  • Caring

  • High-quality listening

  • Welcomes a close relationship built on positive principles such as honesty, respect, and concern

  • Feels comfortable with both emotional closeness and independence equally (Lawrenz, 2021)

Avoidant Attachment Style

  • May have trouble feeling or showing emotions

  • Accuses their partner of being too clingy or overly attached

  • Very independent with feelings, not relying on others for stress relief or confiding, and may not allow their partner to rely on them in similar situations (Lawrenz, 2021)

  • Appears collected and unfazed in high-emotion situations

  • Prefers casual relationships over long-term ones

Anxious Attachment Style

  • Fear of abandonment that is greater than most people’s

  • Needs reassurance and validation to the point where it may become an issue in friendships or relationships

  • Has trouble fully trusting others

  • May exhibit possessive and jealous behavior, especially with a partner

Disorganized Attachment Style

  • Exhibits a “push and pull” dynamic (e.g., desiring a loving relationship while fearing abandonment or rejection)

  • Poor emotional regulation

  • Generally low self-esteem

  • Possible trust issues

  • Tends toward extremes, such as seeking either extreme closeness or extreme distance (Saxena, 2022)

What to Do If You Have an Attachment Style You Want to Change

If you’ve recognized an attachment style that you want to change, it’s important to congratulate yourself for practicing self-awareness and reflection. The first step is to be patient with yourself; an attachment style is often considered a dispositional tendency that isn’t easily changed (London, 2023).

Other tips include keeping an emotions journal, practicing metacognition, and communicating openly (Montijo, 2021). While these may seem like simple practices, they can be crucial to transitioning into a more positive attachment style. It’s also important to consider the attachment styles of those you have friendships or relationships with. Do they model a style you aspire to adopt, or do they reinforce the one you want to change? The people around you can significantly impact how easy it is to adapt an attachment style. Other effective solutions include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Group Therapy.

References